Coyle Report - The Unreported Story

OPPA Instructions

Due to the difficulty that OPPA is having in contacting us and our desire to be open, honest and transparent, we, after much thought, have created this simple Government Procedure outline for larger Organizations.

Step 1: Form a committee of 12 or more people.

Step 2: Ensure these people represent our diverse society.

Step 3: Qualifications of members of this committee requires the ability to distinguish one letter from another, and the ability to see both Blue and Yellow at one time.

Step 4: Purchase complete computerized system equipment with internet to each committee member.

Step 5: During normal business hours of 9:00 to 5:00 have each member stare at the computer screen – first ensure computer is on and our website is displayed.

Step 6: After 20 minutes each member records the only moving object they see that is Blue and Yellow – HINT: it is shaped like a mailbox.

Step 7: Ensure this moving object also has the letters "E", "M", "A", "I", "L" in that order.

Step 8: Upon recording the location of said object their job becomes obsolete.

Step 9: Hire an independent consultant to review the committee's reports.

Step 10: Upon determining a pattern the consultant is instructed to submit a report in triplicate to OPPA Union, to OPPA Union Lawyers, and to his dog Fido who will be instructed to professionally shred documents if necessary.